If there's anyone out there who needs a dancer, please please please get me.
If you need an actress please please please get me.
I'm going to die not being able to do these things for a week.
It's like food to me.
I feel incomplete without them.

Girl: Well, I wanted to please you. I wanted to do something special and spontaneous and exciting. I always wanna do that for you. But sometimes I think that it’s such a waste…

Guy: A waste? Why do you say so?

Girl: It just doesn’t achieve the purpose of pleasing you. Instead, you end up trying to please me by acting pleased. I don’t need nor want that…

Guy: Okay, I admit that there are times when I do not fully appreciate something you did to please me. But first, that’s my shortcoming. Second, that doesn’t mean that I do not appreciate anything at all. When I try to please you, it is my choice and will and for no other reason.

Girl: I cannot ask you to get rid of your shortcomings. You have to go through a life-changing process to further appreciate people, moments, things and places. You have to lose the following things first: a loved one, an opportunity, an important thing, an important place. You lack the pain of life that comes with experience. For now, just tell me what pleases you so I wouldn’t need to exert useless effort.

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG I’m writing again!

Today, I fed these three kids. Their names are Kirai, Samuel and Nonoy. Getting out of David’s Salon after having nails cut and cleaned, I met a little girl who was asking for spare change. Its not really my habit – giving spare change change. I feel it doesn’t really make a difference. It does not make a connection. I asked them what they needed the money for. They said that is was for food. Then I said “Why don’t I just buy you food? Come on! Let’s cross the road! Now!” We made our way to Mini Stop. There, I made them choose what to eat. They wanted anything with rice but, unfortunately, there was no more rice. So I bought them sandwiches. After buying them each one, I remembered that I was hungry too. Hahaha… Forgetting oneself. We also shred a big bottle of water.

After eating together, Nonoy, the oldest was making a paper hat. I made a paper crane and asked him if he wanted to learned. He said yes so I taught him.

While eating and folding paper, they told me a bit about their lives. They have no curfew. The only rule kept is this: You are not allowed to go home unless you have money for mother. Sometimes, the Rugby Boys steal from them especially when the rugby boys don’t get rugby and end up hungry. So the big boys use their money for food. Even if I wanted to make a difference today, more than spare change, even if I made a connection, its never gonna feel enough.

How are we going to protect these kids? After today, they will be back there tomorrow. They still won’t be studying and they will still be hungry. They made me happy seeing them full and learning today but what about tomorrow?

On another note, Dad and I are both very happy because we are undergoing career changes. I resigned in my old job and he’s in the process of resigning also. There is a spark in his eyes that I’ve not seen in a long time. He seems happier now. He smiles more. I connect with him more easily now. I could hold his arms when walking in the mall. I could hug him and tell him that I love him. Ofcourse, the communication issues are still there but at least a lot has changed as compared to when I was in high school and I really hated him. Dad’s doing great and is going to do great. I love him so much.

I was in Jakarta for about 2 weeks.
It was a really great trip!
I taught my choreography for the play Tao Po.
Trained kids for movement for the Play.
I even got to work with Joseph Nolasco who's been a choreographer longer than I have.
Tao Po, a play devised by TeatroFilipino Integrated (the company where I work now), is going to be shown in Balai Sarbini, Jakarta, Indonesia on August 30. I'm flying back on August 3 as Assistant Director.
I'm so happy!
I think that this is the time of my life I have been long waiting for.
Now, it's here.
I'm flying!!!

While walking to Tzi's house today,
I saw a guy standing outside the workout place on the same street.
He was texting. Then, he gave me a single glance.
When I was almost at Tzi's place, he called me while running.
I thought something of mine fell and he ran to give it to me.
LESTER: Miss teka!
INA: Oh bakit? (Checking belongings)
LESTER: Teka *pant*pant*pant* Grabe hinabol kita...
INA: Bakit?
LESTER: Dito ka ba nakatira?
INA: Hindi. (Continues walking)
LESTER: Anong ginagawa mo dito?
INA: Uh... nagtatrabaho. (I did not know this person so I didn't want to disclose anything at the moment.)
LESTER: Ay, talaga. Kasi dun lang ako nakatira eh (Points to his house) Ako nga pala si Lester.(offers his hand) Ikaw?
INA: Ako si Katrina (Shakes hand while walking)
LESTER: Pwede ko ba makuha number mo?
INA: (Tangina ang cheap. Bakit ko pa binigyan ng benefit of the doubt ito? Matino kasi itsura) Um...
LESTER: Sige na...
INA: Kung madaanan kita ng tatlo pang beses at maging magkaibigan tayo, ibibigay ko talaga sayo number ko.
LESTER: Grabe ang init. (Finds shade under one of the trees in front of Tzi's house)
INA: (Okay... delaying tactic. Stops walking) Tsaka bahay rin pala ito ng boyfriend ko kaya kung may gusto ka sakin hahaha ewan ko.
LESTER: Ah ganun ba? Sige (Walks away)

He looks good. Matino. Tall, buff, nice features, big brown eyes, pointy nose. Actually pwede nga siya mag-model.
Jolog lang talaga siya. Hahaha
When I entered the house, I told Tita Marievi the story. Sabi ko pa Chester yung name.
She was acutally the one who corrected me and said
"Hindi, Lester Salvador pangalan nun. Kapitbahay namin nakatira dun sa...pasyente ko yun"
She was laughing hard. It was a really funny story.
Lumaki ulo ko pero hindi rin masyado kasi nga jolog siya.
Siyempre member pa ako ng VainerVanity pano ba yan? Vain people, pano ba yan lumaki nanaman ulo ko.

After tripping (I have not saved myself from the fall)
At least now, I get up again. (so cliche but so true)
Processing always works although growing up is always painful.
I know where to proceed from where I am...
How important is everything to me?
I ask myself if this is the battle that must be fought.
Is it worth everything I have?
The answer is yes.
I've found that this is not the time to retreat anymore.
This is the time to give it all I've got.
I can win and if I fail, it will be the most glorious failure full of pleasure.
TeatroFilipino Integrated is going to grow no matter what -
As long as the continue to believe that it will.
Our faith and determination will feed it so that it becomes triumphant.

Dear friends,

After decades of repression under Chinese rule, the Tibetan people's frustrations have burst onto the streets in protests and riots. With the spotlight of the upcoming Olympic Games now on China, Tibetans are crying out to the world for change.

The Chinese government has said that the protesters who have not yet surrendered "will be punished". Its leaders are right now considering a crucial choice between escalating brutality or dialogue that could determine the future of Tibet, and China.

We can affect this historic choice--China does care about its international reputation. China's President Hu Jintao needs to hear that the 'Made in China' brand and the upcoming Olympics in Beijing can succeed only if he makes the right choice. But it will take an avalanche of global people power to get his attention--and we need it in the next 48 hours.

The Tibetan Nobel peace prize winner and spiritual leader, the Dalai Lama has called for restraint and dialogue: he needs the world's people to support him. Click below now to sign the petition--and tell absolutely everyone you can right away--our goal is 1 million voices united for Tibet:

http://www.avaaz.org/en/tibet_end_the_violence/97.php/?cl_tf_sign=1

China's economy is totally dependent on "Made in China" exports that we all buy, and the government is keen to make the Olympics in Beijing this summer a celebration of a new China, respected as a leading world power. China is also a very diverse country with a brutal past and has reason to be concerned about its stability -- some of Tibet's rioters killed innocent people. But President Hu must recognize that the greatest danger to Chinese stability and development comes from hardliners who advocate escalating repression, not from Tibetans who seek dialogue and reform.

We will deliver our petition directly to Chinese officials in London, New York, and Beijing, but it must be a massive number before we deliver the petition. Please forward this email to your address book with a note explaining to your friends why this is important, or use our tell-a-friend tool to email your address book--it will come up after you sign the petition.

The Tibetan people have suffered quietly for decades. It is finally their moment to speak--we must help them be heard.

With hope and respect,

Ricken, Iain, Graziela, Paul, Galit, Pascal, Milena, Ben and the whole Avaaz team

PS - It has been suggested that the Chinese government may block the Avaaz website as a result of this email, and thousands of Avaaz members in China will no longer be able to participate in our community. A poll of Avaaz members over the weekend showed that over 80% of us believed it was still important to act on Tibet despite this terrible potential loss to our community, if we thought we could make a difference. If we are blocked, Avaaz will help maintain the campaign for internet freedom for all Chinese people, so that our members in China can one day rejoin our community.

Here are some links with more information on the Tibetan protests and the Chinese response:
BBC News: UN Calls for Restraint in Tibet - http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7301912.stm
Human Right Watch: China Restrain from Violently Attacking Protesters - http://hrw.org/english/docs/2008/03/15/china18291.htm
Associated Press: Tibet Unrest Sparks Global Reaction - http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5gSSpPcDOPMoAiRLhPUyezuCRiXBQD8VFDD680
New York Times: China Takes Steps to Thwart Reporting on Tibet Protests - http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/18/world/asia/18access.html?ref=world
--------------------------------------------

ABOUT AVAAZ


Avaaz.org is an independent, not-for-profit global campaigning organization that works to ensure that the views and values of the world's people inform global decision-making. (Avaaz means "voice" in many languages.) Avaaz receives no money from governments or corporations, and is staffed by a global team based in London, Rio de Janeiro, New York, Paris, Washington DC, and Geneva.

This night,
I spill blood
on my fresh sheets
My pink polkadot bed sheet
Has grown
a beautiful red spot,
more beautiful
than pink flowers.

I checked my clean white
cotton underwear
and there too sprout
a madly blooming crimson

Red, so bright
made me tingle
in delight.
(OMG IT RHYMES)

My own painting
Of flowers.

tulungan mo ako.
nahihirapan akong huminga.
nahahapo na ang aking tulak.
gusto ko pang itulak ang sarili ko.
kaya ko pa...
ngunit sinong niloloko ko...

sige na nga,,, matutulog na ako maya-maya.

Ngayong araw na ito, nagising ako ng maaga 6:00am para gumawa ng "papel" AA
10:00am Nag-choregraph ng sayaw.
1:30pm Pumuntang UP para mag-isaw kasama ni Kyler.
3:00pm Mag-rehearse ng sayaw
8:00pm Mag-perform ng sayaw
8:30pm Pumuntang Ateneo para Mag-rehearse ng play.
10:45pm Uwi
11:30pm Kuhanan ang sariling naka-tube sa harap ng black backround
11:45pm Gumawa ng write-up
12:00am Mag-send ng write-up at picture
Ngayon siguro maliligo na ako tapos iinom ng gamot.
Antok na antok na ako.
Sana wag ako bumagsak bukas.
Mahirap ang buhay artista-mananayaw.
Nakakapagod talaga...
Naka-make-up pa ako dahil sa sayaw kanina.
Nakakatamad tanggalin.
Grabe talaga... Grrr... Gusto ko na matulog sa harap ng computer.
As in now na. At mananaginip akong nagt-type ng journal entry sa LJ.
Hahaha...

Tuwang-tuwa yung parents ko and boyfriend ko
Kasi matagal na nilang gustong papalitan yun because
1 wasak na kalahati ng LCD
2 screwed up yung memory
3 low bat life
4 weak signal
nung gusto ko pa hagilapin yung nawala, ayaw nila pumayag. hayaan ko na daw.
Hahaha... nawala ko lang rin naman lahat ng contacts ko
ANG GALING!!!

Anyhoooo, new number is

(TINANGGAL KO NA ITO DAHIL MAY MGA TAONG NAKAKUHA NG NUMBER KO DI NAMAN DAPAT)

Text niyo ko tapos sabihin niyo kung sino kayo.

One month nalang, trabaho na. Wooooooo!!!!

My only request – requirement haha – is for each one of you to
WATCH MY PLAY!

Do this as an expression of your love for me.
This is a really BIG thing for me, a milestone in my life.
Para siyang wedding, o kaya panganganak ko, o kaya funeral ko.
If you don’t go, I will make tampo… BIG TAMPO.
This is not an invite.
If you love me, you will go.
Okay? Okay.
I love you all!!!

Lovingly Demanding,
INA

Again, showdates:
January 16-18, 2007
8-9 PM
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday

Ayoko talaga kapag tinatarayan ako.
Or kapag sinisigawan ako.
Yung tipong biglaan dahil wala lang.
Or dahil may mga tao na nadala lang talaga sa mga emotions nila
kaya hindi nila masabi ng maayos.
Thanks to my bestfriends for having the ability to be CYNICAL.
I think I'm like them most of the time.
And I would prefer that:
Don't talk to the other unless you're head is ready and cool.
Or else baka kung ano lang masabi or Magawa.
Emphasis on magawa dahil kahit hindi lumalabas sa salita,
lumalabas sa gestures, itsura ng mukha, etc.

Sayang lang sa stroking project sa PROSEC nung high school
(Maging loving para magkaayos lahat)
Sayang lang ang education ukol sa communication and speech ni Ms. Landig

I just feel so verbally abused all my life.
I guess I should work harder on feeling numb.

Past four days have been a blast for me.
I needed to play harder than usual because I'm so stressed with school.
Now, school is thrilling again.

Yet now, I'm stressed about something else...
Boyfriend's parents = Conservative VS. Hyper,liberated,straightforward ina_luna

Quit smoking last night.
After having been on 2-3 sticks per day last last week and
1-2 stick(s) a day last week, I am now on 0. COLD TURKEY bok bok bok

Now, I work on thesis.
To get away from social stresses ahahaha... ang galing!
Gusto ko na pumasok leche!
TAMA NA!!!

Oh well, life goes on.
I don't care how difficult it will all be.
Kayang-kaya... Sabi ni bestfriend "Yakang-yaka"
Miss ko na siya.

Merry Christmas

Feed me!!!

Kaninang Umaga naiwanan ako nila mom kasi late na ako nagising wehehehe:

kaya I ended up taking the trike and getting a cab. Halfway through Commonwealth, nasiraan yung taxi kaya I got into a jeep, went down in front of Central and walked to UP-Katipunan station. I enjoyed being able to commute again. Sarap pa maglakad kasi ang lamig. Christmas na!

Wala akong ibang ginawa boung araw kundi kumain ng NUGGETS:

Hahaha! Isa lang class ko. And eating nuggets is pretty healthy dahil kailangan patabain ang puso kong nangayayat na sa kakahintay. Hahaha Heart attack ang aabutin ko nito!!!

Light show and chorale-orchestra concert in UP:

Sobrang galing! First time kong nakita kung paano mag-operate tech director sa likod ng mga tv kung saan nakakabit ang LAHAT NG CAMERA SA BUONG LUGAR! Grabe, lahat ng sinasabi niya naririning ng mga cameraman. Tapos ang impromptu ng mga shot choices niya. Napaka-internalized na ng taste niya for shots na halos mukhang scripted ang lumalabas sa final screen. Ang galing-galing! Matagal na akong hindi naa-amaze ng ganito. Mahirap yata akong i-please. Hahaha… Konting mga tao lang ang mga nakakagawa noon. Grrrrr… Ang galing din ng UP singing groups. Ang daming groups non kaya di ko na maalala lahat. Pati lahat ng orchestra available sa UP andun lahat. Shyet nakakainggit nang sobra. Orgasmic lahat! Mas lalo na nung kumanta yung dean ng College of Music. Sobrang galing grabe… *Claps* then *Hands Down* I can say no more.

I’m writing the four-page treatment for my film:

Oh my god!!! I thought I had so much space to fill for the treatment! Pero unang scene palang kulang na yung space!!! Akala ko ny problem was going to be lengthening the piece. Naging tightening ang problema ko bigla! Hahaha… I underestimated myself too much. I need to heal from this insecurity.

Ang sarap-sarap ng araw ko:

Nakaka-inlove ang mundong ito.
Andito yata ang langit…
God! Astig ka! Salamat! Masaya ako :)

Seryoso ito ha!
As in hindi ako sarcastic.
Deeply rooted ako sa thesis ko at heart-felt ito.
Ang sarap ng feeling kasi hindi ko man lang kailangan i-force ang sarili ko para gawin yung thesis.
It's so natural to me to write it, plan it, etc.
Everythings falling into place like it's meant to be.

Mabuhay ang Manlilikhang Pilipino!

I won't hesitate no more,
no more, it cannot wait I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you're free
look into your heart and you'll find love love love
listen to the music at the moment maybe sing with me
Ah, la peaceful melody
It's your god forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved Loved

So, I won't hesitate no more,
no more, it cannot wait I'm sure
there's no need to complicate our time is short
this is our fate, I'm yours

But no.
Almost always wala kay Batman yung choice.
Kawawa nga siya eh.
Kasi kung anu-anong kaguluhan sa Gotham tapos siya lagi nag-aayos.
Badtrip kaya yon!!!
Lagi nalang siya nasa gitna ng mga situation na kailangan siya mag-ayos.
Siya lagi ang responsible. Damn!
Isipin niyo, kailan kaya yung last time na nagpa-Spa si Batman?
(Hahahaha... funny imagery)
Sana for once, maging perfect ang lahat para kay Batman.
Sana maging masaya na rin siya knowing na past is past at marami siyang natutulungang mga tao; maraming nagbabago dahil sa kanya (gaya ni Catwoman); hindi naman niya talaga kailangan maging mag-isa.

Kailangan ko tapusin yung thesis.
Ako, bilang artista. Pinanghahawakan ko iyan ngayong napakahirap niya.
Mahirap magsulat. Masakit
Mahirap matuto magsayaw. Kaunting tigil mo lang, iba na ang daloy.
Mahirap umarte. Kailangan kumayod. KAYOD PA!!!
Mahirap kumanta. Mas lalo na kung galing ka sa sakit ng ubo.

Pero sabi ni boybestfriend,
kapag humihirap, doon mo lang malalaman kung gaano mo kagusto.

Kaya ngayon, heto ako,
nakikipagtitigan sa hirap.
Matatag siya.
Pero matapang ata ako.
At eto ang gusto ko.